The disconnect from oneself.

I haven't been updating my blog very often. I know.
There is a reason for this, though I am sad that it is so:
I have forgotten to amble.

The point of creating this blog was to remind me constantly to amble, and to give me an outlet to share my ambles with others who so wish to read them. But I found myself caught up in the same circus as everyone else, forgetting who I am, forgetting what I do: amble.

It took a roller coaster ride to set me straight again. But that "roller coaster" wasn't a bad thing. Nay, quite the contrary.
That roller coaster set me back where I needed to be, it just added to my life: experience, understanding, and most importantly, another person who understands and cares for me. A person that I let inside.
It took drastic measures to set me straight after that. I spent two days doing nothing, "being a bum" as I described myself then, but I now realize that I was ambling. I ambled through the entire relationship: from the start of the friendship to the end of what we deemed our "togetherness." During those thoughts I spoke to people very dear to me, and let them speak of what they wanted, and I learned. I spoke to that whom I recently let in, and I learned. I then sat around and thought, doing nothing in particular but being wrapped in a warm blanket, and I contemplated. I contemplated all of my thoughts and actions, all of my conversations, and all that I tell myself I am or need to be.

My ambling gave me perspective.
The perspective to see myself clearly again, without this shroud of emotions clouding my vision. I am grateful for everything that happened, because not only did I learn, but I remembered what I need to be doing:
Ambling.

The power of Thy name.

"Armed with the power of They name, nothing can ever hurt me, and all the world's afflictions can in no wise alarm me."
- Baha'u'llah

A mantra to repeat when the world is falling apart around you.
A prayer to sing when the cut is deep.
A cry of humbling love to fill you with strength.

A phrase which helped me through so much. And is needed to help again.

At least I have the perspective to realize, see, and understand that there is much worse hurt than a little heartbreak. And that with every heartbreak, there is a new beginning. A new beginning that builds on the last one, that accepts what was good and bad and moves forward, wiser.

Even with all that perspective, it still hurts. It won't stop the stomach ache, the feeling that your chest is being torn apart. It won't keep the tears from falling, keep the pain at bay, or the desire to sleep the rest of your life away.

And so, when I am trapped in that painful downward spiral of heartbreak, all I can do is pray:
"Armed with the power of Thy name, nothing can ever hurt me, and all the world's afflictions can in no wise alarm me."

Thank you Devon Gundry, for putting my favorite, most used quote into a song for me to sing.