The disconnect from oneself.

I haven't been updating my blog very often. I know.
There is a reason for this, though I am sad that it is so:
I have forgotten to amble.

The point of creating this blog was to remind me constantly to amble, and to give me an outlet to share my ambles with others who so wish to read them. But I found myself caught up in the same circus as everyone else, forgetting who I am, forgetting what I do: amble.

It took a roller coaster ride to set me straight again. But that "roller coaster" wasn't a bad thing. Nay, quite the contrary.
That roller coaster set me back where I needed to be, it just added to my life: experience, understanding, and most importantly, another person who understands and cares for me. A person that I let inside.
It took drastic measures to set me straight after that. I spent two days doing nothing, "being a bum" as I described myself then, but I now realize that I was ambling. I ambled through the entire relationship: from the start of the friendship to the end of what we deemed our "togetherness." During those thoughts I spoke to people very dear to me, and let them speak of what they wanted, and I learned. I spoke to that whom I recently let in, and I learned. I then sat around and thought, doing nothing in particular but being wrapped in a warm blanket, and I contemplated. I contemplated all of my thoughts and actions, all of my conversations, and all that I tell myself I am or need to be.

My ambling gave me perspective.
The perspective to see myself clearly again, without this shroud of emotions clouding my vision. I am grateful for everything that happened, because not only did I learn, but I remembered what I need to be doing:
Ambling.

The power of Thy name.

"Armed with the power of They name, nothing can ever hurt me, and all the world's afflictions can in no wise alarm me."
- Baha'u'llah

A mantra to repeat when the world is falling apart around you.
A prayer to sing when the cut is deep.
A cry of humbling love to fill you with strength.

A phrase which helped me through so much. And is needed to help again.

At least I have the perspective to realize, see, and understand that there is much worse hurt than a little heartbreak. And that with every heartbreak, there is a new beginning. A new beginning that builds on the last one, that accepts what was good and bad and moves forward, wiser.

Even with all that perspective, it still hurts. It won't stop the stomach ache, the feeling that your chest is being torn apart. It won't keep the tears from falling, keep the pain at bay, or the desire to sleep the rest of your life away.

And so, when I am trapped in that painful downward spiral of heartbreak, all I can do is pray:
"Armed with the power of Thy name, nothing can ever hurt me, and all the world's afflictions can in no wise alarm me."

Thank you Devon Gundry, for putting my favorite, most used quote into a song for me to sing.

Hugs.

A warm, enveloping embrace.

A simple gesture that can make your day.

A means of sharing joy.

A way to show your love.

A mutual acceptance of each other's meaning in your lives.

A a soundless greeting that says more than words ever could.

A hug.
Enough said.

Panoramic Life

Adib wants this amazing panoramic camera, the fuji g617, and he made me look at these pictures. Some of which took my breath away, and made me want to amble:


Allow your mind to wander over this picture and observe all of the different nuances of the lights. It is truly spectacular.


This picture reminded me of my time in El Salvador to a degree, when I went hiking in the mountains and swimming in the collected pools of water filled with joy and poisonous water snakes.

The birds, the calm sea, the soft sunset in the background... all are the aspects of a true amble.

I would love to lie here and amble through my thoughts. The vibrant colors stimulate my mind in a most soothing way.

This one is my favorite. I would love to amble along that trail, meandering through the forest's fall:
Thank you Adib, for showing me these amazing pictures. Or rather, making me look at them.
But I cannot leave off credit where it is due, to the wonderful photographers who took these
photographs.

Things that can change your day.

I ambled about my heart today and found a sort of sadness which I could not place. It put me in a funk.
And then Awa, my roommate from Ethiopia, started talking to me, and in my sudden joy at her presence in my life, I realized that I had missed her.

It's funny that one person can change the course of your entire day. It can be the most awful day you have ever experienced, but in a quick exchange with someone you care for, it can take a drastic turn for the better, and vice versa.

A shared smile, a wink, a kind word from a stranger.
A hug from a friend.

Adib

is crazy.
Period.

Happy now?

What makes me smile.

The smell of freshly cut grass.

Warm sand between my toes.

The smell of jasmine, over saturated by the rain and permeating the air.

The vibrant dark hues of the world on a rainy day.

Seeing a young child smile at me as they reach up for a hug.

Lying, basking in the rays of the sun as they envelope my being.

The smell of the earth right before the rain.

Reuniting with a friend after a long time.

Talking to someone I love.

A good hug.

Ambling.

Sometimes you just need to be free from the physical constraints of life: your education, your work, your family, your faith, your friends.
Sometimes, you just need to amble.
When was the last time that you walked around town aimlessly, wanting nothing, searching for nothing, free of obligations? Too long.
When was that last time that your mind was so at ease that you noticed the soft coo of a mourning dove and smiled, or the pretty trill of a song bird, and wanted to sing along?

****

When was the last time that I meandered, nay, ambled through a park and noticed the way the sunlight filters through the leaves of the eucalyptus, or the ducks interacted with one another in the pond?
Too long.
For too long has my society held me in its grasp. The decisions I have made in terms of my commitments to friends, family, the faith, school -- they have all "held" me back from being one with life.
But knowing this, I am able to take the time to detach myself and look at life in a broader sense, I am able to amble again.

*****

An amble is not necessarily a stroll in the park, or a walk through the woods. It can be any leisurely way you let your mind loose of its earthly holds.
I amble in my mind, as I lay down in the grass behind my house, listening to the sounds of the birds chirping, the wind rustling through leaves as the branches sway, the water as it laps up against the edge of the lake.
I amble through my relationships as I meander about my campus, with no particular place to go, observing the way students will avoid one another until they recognize a face, or how staff will go out of their way to smile at a disabled kid, even if he has friends around him.
I amble through my soul as I sit down in peace and quiet with a prayerbook, meditating on the existence of a soul, and allowing it to amble through the writings as it so pleases.

*****

Ambling produces the best meditation, the most beautiful observations, and a sense of calm throughout.
Please, take the time to amble this week. Clear the second half of your day, and just be. Just exist in this world, which is so beautiful and worth existing in.